Rurouni Kenshin ^^

Thursday, September 08, 2011

love lost

the feeling of loving someone is the best feeling one can have. it make u forget who u are and everythin around you and the only thing that matters is that one person. no matter what she does its ok just as long as she is around.what is love?

Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails.

if love is all this thing how can it end. the hurt when u love someone so much and in the end everythin u do is just useless and whats worst to be treated as someone nothin more then rubbish in the end is the most hurtfull experience one can have. to see the person and not be able to say hi to the person at all cause all she does is to give u a cold cold answer. and ignores u. how can a person u know so well for more then 10 over years even after leaving u just leave u out to die.

if only there were the random call to ask how i am. are u ok. take care. from strangers to friends to best friends to lovers to total strangers in which i cant even find any sorce of comfort. should i have love her less. maybe cared less about her. maybe that would take some of the hurt away.

for when u love someone with your whole heart and devote your live to hoping she is well taken care of and she dont even care in the end. u just tend to loose focus in life wondering what to do or what to make life out to be. just when u need her the most she abandons u and kick u out and leaves u to die.

am i wrong to love someone so much? will i love the next one the same? i hope so. when i love someone i give it my all and sometimes i just got to pay dearly for the hurt that come along. its just like a knife that is pierce into my heart and twisted a few rounds and just when its tryin to heal it get stabbed again deeper each time. till i am bleading out. i really done know how much of this i can take. i am starting to loose meaning in life. to lose focus. WHY WHY WHY must this happen to me.

left silently at ... 12:01 AM

Friday, August 19, 2011

crash & burn

well no one like it when its over, but sometimes its for the best. time to move on. i think its better for me as well. its not point wasting your effort for someone that don't even appreciate all that was done for her. sometimes u wonder why bother. maybe one day she will come to realize the things i have done. to see what are the more important things in life. hope when she comes to realize it she would have to the ability to pick her self up and move on from there cause i wont be there to lift her up. trying to keep someone afloat is not a easy thing to do and some time when u put in so much effort and she does not care or even ignores it and see only the mundane things in life and not the big picture its dissipointing.only if she can open her eyes and see. what things are from a different prospective. oh well. nothing much i can say or do. its time to move on and give up. yeah i know i am never one to give up. i know giving up just shows that u are a failure and not mature enough to grow up. but well sometime when the person u love and care about so much just throws it back at u and spits it at your face. u have not much of a choice either. oh well life goes on.

left silently at ... 10:55 PM

Saturday, July 30, 2011

regrets

it is alwasy gd to live a life without regrets. but sometime like take a turn and u just dont know what hits u and sometime u do regret what choices u make.regret is not always a bad thing. it is the realization that u actually did something wrong and the need to do something appears.not always do we have a chance to make right the wrong we have done. not always do ppl forgive u for the things u said or done.sometime the past just creeps up on you.sometime all u need is for someone to forgive u, just that one word is all it takes.just a sign that u forgive me is all i wan. to let things go back to the way they used to be.things u have done can never be undone. the hurt u cause will never be forgoten, but to forgive takes a big step and a big heart. if the one you love ever give to u. treasure it with all your heart and never let it go. for u will regret the rest of your life letting the one that means most to u go.

i am so so sorry
pls forgive me

left silently at ... 1:11 AM

Sunday, September 06, 2009

past till now

wow i was lookin through all my post that i made,all the happy memories and sadness frm what i got.there are so many crossroads to life and sometimes u get lost in lookin for the right one.sometime the ans is not so hard and the ans is so obvious. but its fear that leads us to the wrong course.so many tough choices to make in life and i have been makin so many wrong ones.nothin that i did seem to be right.i think i am like a total faliure.i lost everythin in life and am flat on the ground and all i am left with is my bestfriend and my der sis that has been a great encouragement to me.i've lost the one i love,my friends,the things like,my dreams my hopes and now a person with out aim in life is what i have become.and now i am not sure what going to happen soon,am i going to loose my bestfriend also? what will i do if that happen. after being so close for so many years to then strangers for a few years and back to the best of friends to becoming more then friends then to lose that and becomeing friends again and now what if i loose her even as a friend what will i do.i wont have anyone to fall back on.what will i do. there is a sayin that says the past will always be back to haunt u. is that what is happening now? is my past commin back to haunt me.i just hope it is nothin and the storm will just die down,but what if it does not.will all that i hoped for come to an end?thank u der friend for not leavin me in the dirt.as i fell stright on my face u were there sittin beside me comforting me and caring for me,helpin me up and clearin the dirt frm my face.u were there for me when i need a sholder to cry on.time will show all things and somehow i fear what is in the future cause now i cant see anythin.i used to be able to see my slef down the road in my life, but now nothin,i cant even see what tomorrow brings.how much more can i mere human take?i think after awhile i would be the one inside the MPH, wont that be a wonderfull sight.

left silently at ... 12:39 AM

Saturday, September 05, 2009

a storm is looming

everyone has fears in their life, for me not being able to be with my best friend is my greatest fear. i just heard that somethin is looming around and questions being asked.what is going to happen i am so unsure, it seems that history is going to repeat itself and i dont know what to do or how to stop it,loosin here completely would be too hard a hit for me to take.i cant believe so much crap can happen to a person in just a spand of 3 weeks.its so hard to make a choice as to what to do.i would give up almost anythin just to be with her.but in so doin would i be with her in the end? i also dont know.only time will tell.i am now lookin for a window or an open door but cant seem to find any. all the doors i've tried have been locked and i got no where to go.the fire is burning and windows and doors have been shut.what do i do. what do i do.i cant loose her again.not like this.i hope i can ride this storm comming and hope i am alive at the end of it.i should have never gone to aussie.never should have. missery loves company. and now i think its my closest company that walks beside me where ever i go.i hate my life.i really do.

left silently at ... 1:16 PM

Sunday, August 30, 2009

a helpin hand

we met up for a very gd chat last night.alot of things were talked out
i have to let her go.its for the best.but she is sill my best friend. i still look forward to her company.and that i think i can live with atm.i wish i never had gone to aussie.its seems like aussie had been my curse.for so many years.sometime u wander what is the persuit of happiness.and i think loosin so much in my last trip that i was at a total lost.i think i more or less lost my self as well as those close to me.i just hope i came back and its not too late to pick my self up again. so a new life with a new job.i hope my life will come back to me soon.i think the one i am so appriciative off now is my sis.who is constintly there tryin to pick me up.and of course my best friend :)

as i sink down this depth
you offered your hand
i grabed it firmly
as u lift me up for air
u gentle smile holds me there
but i am still in the water
night is commin
temperature is dropin
water is gettin cold
i still hold on cause u are there
your presence there is keepin me warm
coldness is creepin in
but i am happy cause u are still there
pls pull me out befor the icey water overcomes me.

day one with out her....

left silently at ... 7:21 PM

letting go

numbness in the heart has start to go
pain has crept in the door
sorrow is what i feel
pain that i never though could be real

the love that i had has left my side
to now be my friend is what i abide
time to take a step back and watch the tide
and watch her go along her ride

i shall wait in the cold dark shadows
waitin for the day to step in the medows
where the darkness at bay
will turn into gay

i shall wait for the day of her return
like i have been waitin for many a days
keepin the hope of what beholds
to all i hold dear at bay.

left silently at ... 6:38 PM

Saturday, August 29, 2009

hopes and fears

when we always go into a dissusion about hopes and fears some how it alwasy has somthin to do about love.my greatest fear is loosing the one i hold dearest to me. sometime it is just so hard to let go especially wen u did all u can just to not let it slip.some one i once know told me this

"Ever tried holding sand with ur hands? If u dont hold it tight enough, it'll slowly slip through your hands. Your hand has loosened and e sand has been slipping away slowly for a while but u took no note.Now it has all slipped away"

did i overlook somethin along the lines.well did i shower her to so much love that she got scared away.if she really wants to go i really cant stop her.it is so painfull to let her go.i do not know if i do i will ever get her back.what will i do with my life if i dont get her back.this fear is really eating into me now.life with out her is somethin i cant see in the future.my whole life has become a blank. could i ever love someone as much as i love her?i honestly dont think i can.

would that even be fair to the grl i would be dating.and that really scares me.cause i dont think i can ever invest the kind of love that i showed to her to anyone else.this is so depressing.i have let her go once befor.and waitin for her in silence is not something easy to do especially when u hear how he previous ex are treating her.and when she finally says yes again u let all your supress feeling out and then to loose her all over again.
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
pls help me i'm drowning
i cant swim.
i'm going under
there no one to pull me up
i'm not struggeling though
the fear is gone
solice i may find in the deep
where nothingness dwell
and sorrow fells
if only a hand is there
your hand
to save me frm this watery deep
for which i may prevent this sleep

left silently at ... 2:02 PM

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

will the pain never end

just when i thought the day was over.a second blow was given to me.i was told about the feelin of my close friend that now is not talkin to me at all and now wish me dead.and the only way to reconsile would be to do somethin that i cant do. how can u deside to like some one else when u are madly in love with another. then now the one i am crazy about wans me to let her go.i've let her go once and it was so painfull.and i though that was pain so terrible but now this is even worst.the pain is so bad that i am at a total lost as to what to do. i mind is totaly blank. my tears are there but not flowing.my heart is achein till i cant imigine. this is so many times more worst then 4 years ago.at that time i was told never to talk to the grl i love. and now the grl that i love tell me to let her go. i know with all honesty i did my best, we have never fought or anythin.why must this happend to me.the single most precious thing in my life is now gone.and i cant do anythin but just to stand there and watch it go. der u askeed for time pls dont take too long.i dont think my heart can take this pain much longer.the tears still flowin down now and then but i just cant cry it out. aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh i'm going crazy.....

left silently at ... 12:28 PM

my greatest fear came true

i never though i feel so much pain again.when the words came out of her mouth "i think i wanna be single" it felt like my whole world stoped.well not to far frm there considerin she is my world.in this world that i live in now there is nothin else of importance to me. everythin i had has been taken away frm me. striped bare, my hopes my dreams. but even when this was taken i was still ok supprisingly i was like ok so be it.but to hear her say those words where like knives slicing my heart out slice by slice and i can't do any thing to stop it. the pain was just to much to bare. it felt like what happend all over again. yea well its not like we cant talk to each other again and such but she said she needed time.already 3 days with out her voice and i was on the brink of going nuts.i think sooner or later i may end up in the looney bin or if not in a bodybag.she feels that she no longer love me well not as befor.i dont know i know its just so hard to take it all in. absence make the heart grow fonder.so maybe that what we need. to see each other less.so that what i suggested.in stead of just writin me off just reduce the time we spend with each other.thats what love is about right workin together to solve all prob that may come up.there is no such thing as a perfect couple.well we have up till now for all the many years never argued or fought so i think thats a gd foundation to start with.
i know she wont write me off completely. but oh how i would miss her kisses and touch and going out with her. with out her my life is with out meaning. an empty vassel. holow .... me. my life has now been striped bare to nothiness and i dont have someone to offer me any sign of relief or comfort.cause the only sorce of comfort i have has just left me and left me for dead.

left silently at ... 12:00 AM

Monday, August 24, 2009

weekend ends

weekends are so overrated,ppl just cant wait for fridays to arrive and when thay do thay party on for the next 3 days only to find them selves havin to go back to their normal routine on the monday. well hopefully my life is going to take a turn for the better.should be starting a new course next month doing piano tuneing, kinda excited about it hopfully it all goes well.at the same time got to get my bike license done as well.been putting it off for the past like 4 years. wow 4 years has it been that long since i came out? so i hope to get both done by the end of the year.that is what i hope to achive. well i am happy in life at the moment and contented.i am with the person that i loved the most in my life and she loves me as well.i have always hoped for it.i always had faith that i will get her back.and i promised my self when that happens i will take care of her and not do the best i can to make her happy. seeing the happiness in her face brings me great joy.life is too short,if u love someone tell them for u never know what tomorrow brings and u dont wanna wait for somethin to happen befor u think and say ohhh i should have said this or ohhh i should have done that. life with regret is life not lived. so live your life and enjoy every min of it with the ones u care about the most.

faith= the assured expection of things hoped for.

left silently at ... 12:07 PM

Sunday, August 23, 2009

feelin of lost

have u ever felt like at a total lost as to what to do when u dont know what the other person is doing or thinking.its terrible i know i get msg frm her but i cant help but feel so sad and blue not being able to just hear her voice,knowing she is there.i know she loves me dearly that i have no doubts :) its like with out her being there to hear her voice makes me feel at a lost like i have lost my direction and only she can guide me back to where i am supposed to go. its been more then a day that i last heard her voice and it pains in my heart knowing she is just so near me but yet so far.i tried to curb the feelin by going to bed but some how i just stay awake on my bed starein at the celing.and huggin the lion she made me.thats been the best company i have had to always remind me that she is not to far away.i hope she will talk to me soon. i know i still get msges frm her but its not the same frm hearing her voice.i miss the msg in the morning to wake me up or the gd nights when she is going to bed. i love u darlin with all my heart and my love for u will never change.i think i am talkin alot of crap now. my mind is awake but my body is asleep.i am just missin u i guess.dont worrie der i wont go anywhere again.i will be by your side.i will be with u and take in all the gd times and the bad times.and i promise to always take care of u and do my best to make u happy.

left silently at ... 1:42 AM

Sunday, July 05, 2009

missin

i love aussie very much.but there is always the heart that ache every single day.i miss her every single day.wishin i could see her just that little bit more each time.but some times the body just gets the better of me and i cant stay awake.every day every hr every min that i got to wait till i see your face again.every touch and feel and kiss.all that i have miss oh so much. the warmth of your hands.the love in your eyes.its not the same seein it in a simple screen and talkin on it.oh how much i wanna hug u and hold u there and never let u go.

went to friendster after so long and was lookin at my inbox.was readin through the mails i got there frm her 3 years ago.oh did i wish i did not. sudently my heart ached so much. old scars dont heal too easy it seems.not when it got cut really deep. but i guess that in the pass.got to look to the future.was so glad that she is finally back i will cherish her with all my heart. well what was ment to be would always be. the wait was worth it.all things are fallin into place slowly.got to take things step by step.

left silently at ... 8:54 PM

Saturday, June 13, 2009

hidden message

its finnaly out. i have just lost a very gd friend. it all started with me leaving for aussie. she was so upset that i did not tell her that i would be gone for 6 months.was wondering why she was so mad. i just could not read between the lines. she has returned all the gifts i had given her. i have never ask for them back and why would i, i have alwasys treated her as a gd friend listein to all her worries and prob. and was there when she needed someone to talk to.and end up i hurt her feeling. i thought all was ok when she started to talk to me again after like 2 weeks but then again it again went down hill

ended up she acutally like me more then a friend and i did not realise that. i did not think of her as one though. and now she never wants to hear frm me or talk to me ever again.am i such a bad guy? she felt like i played with her feeling and was using her. how could i every do such a thing.i have never used anyone how could i. what did i do.so hard to get to sleep last night. was up most of the time.

thanks anata for being there for me all the way.i was misserable and u made me smile,u made a load in me seem no longer so heavy.i dont know what i would do with out u to encourage me.

left silently at ... 8:07 PM

Sunday, June 07, 2009

loosin a friend

sometimes in life u wonder if there somethings u would have said or done to make things turn out differently, sometimes there are way to correct it but there are some that is almost impossible. words may work in both way, it can build up or it can break a person, but sometime u dont even know it happen and all u can only do is hope that is not to late.

in life u have alot of options open to u, and all would have its own benifit and disadvantages. so one has to weigh them carefully, to choose one a job to that of a gd friends trust is one of the hardest choice one has to make. did i make the wrong one? now it seem i am loosin a gd friend, one thats been very close to me and has place alot of trust in me.

ever tried holding sand with your hands?

If you dont hold it tight enough,
it'll slip through your hands.

your hands has loosened and the sand has
been slipping away slowly for a while but
you took no note.

now it has all slipped away..........

left silently at ... 10:06 PM

Friday, June 05, 2009

aussie life

well back again in my blog. wondering what to say or do now. have been sent to aussie to work. well ppl that know me would know that i have always wanted to be here. but somehow when u seem to get the thing u wan some other thing comes into your life that is much more important then what it used to be. it so hard to be split into 2 and wonderin or more like wishin u can both. well maybe in the future i could but for now. sigh.....

i always remember this sayin "if u love someone u got to set them free, if thay come back to u then its ment to be". does this mean thats its ment to be? i do hope so. 3 years have gone pass so quickly, never thought that even after so long u would still like someone so much even though u almost never talk. sudently it all came back. that sweet feelin we had.

and it came so naturaly. that faithfull evening where we were watchin the sunset.sittin beside me as the wind breeze on our faces. till the time we said gd bye to each other. the settin was oh so nice. and so was the company. at the point i knew this time i dont wanna let go. i could not keep my heart frozen anymore. with just a few words and its all it took to melt the ice coverin it.

now the heart is defrosted and is achein so much cause i am here and she is there and all i can do is talk to her online or on sms. no sense of touch or taste or smell. and not being able to do that is some how just killin me. i just wan her here with me so badly.

left silently at ... 1:31 AM

Sunday, October 08, 2006

what a year

its been a year frm today that i became the happiest person in the world. its was like i was lifted frm the ground and taken out of this world and never hoped to be place back on it. well when u look back in your life in all the gd memories and the bad. its always nice to look back at the nice things. but the bad things tend to appear as well and some time as u just sit there tears can just flow down your eyes. wishin u could some how change this or done that. i believe its the same with anyone. frm strangers to friends to best friends then to almost like total strangers. that is some times the hardest thing to accept. that how frm one day u can be talkin about anythin that is in your mind to the person then only for the next moment u almost never hear frm that person anymore. and u wonder if the person has u in their mind. and u can never tell what is really on your mind or your heart. and u hope that it will all pass. and go back to normal one day. wishfull thinking some may say. but wat can i say i'm just a fool.

wow its been 2 months since i last blog i think i am gettin a little lazy already. not a gd sign. ahaha

left silently at ... 4:21 PM

Thursday, August 03, 2006

back again to reality

some how i wish holidays can just last forever. then it will be fun everyday. there is work too but will its great when u are working with friends dont u think so. then everyday it will be like just going to meet up with friends instead of the feel of working. that is what i like about sch. not the studing part but that u wake up in the morning knowing that u going to see all your friends later. it will be better if that is in a work enviroment. every day going to work meet friends and still bring home money at the end of the month. well aussie was great as usuall. some how it like becoming a regular stop over. well i love the place. i wish i was there now and never need to come back. live there for the rest of my life. just made 2 great friends there, really enjoyed hangin out with them and their family. thanks alot for havein me there. haha cant wait to go back there again. cant wait to start at the new company. finally all is falling into place. which is gd then i can leave the place i am working at now. well i aready plan to do so next month. just befor yoko and mio come over. then i will have a short break befor i start work .

the dc was also great meet up with all the bros and had dinner. and u should see andy and jamie. man were thay having fun. collecting email address and stuff. well the convention was very timely alot of gd and important reminders that will keep all of us focus. and also to look at our self and what are we doin with our life.

left silently at ... 9:26 PM

Thursday, June 15, 2006

few more days to go

wow today was and intresting day. today was pretty peacefull at work as usuall. somehow its nice to work at iras. if it is not for the crappy pay i would not mind staying there for a long time. the job scope is intresting. but is about time for me to move on and to my new job. i need a more physicaly active job that can keep me awake till the end of the day and then at the end dead tired at home. haha

i am going to go and apply for my basic theory test this saturday. i am going to try to get my licence as fast as possible. cause i should be gettin a van to drive and when that happend i need to have a licence with me. so i going to rush it through and go for lesson as oftern as possible

another few more days befor i go. really excited. wow it is a gd thing i get back some of my $$ cause i was sopposed to go to redang but had to pull out last min as i have to go for the trip. well i will be gettin the money back on tuesday so that is not to bad. at e least i have some $$ to spend there. well that is if i got the time to do so. how i hope i do. it will be a waist if i dont even meet up with my friends dont u think. hmmm

i think i need to change my ringtone soon getting a little bored. any suggestions.. runnin out of ideas. some songs are nice but thay just dont suit the. well this is my ring tone.

when u tell me that u love me
those just words
u can tell me u dont need me
i know that hurts
cause i'm lookin at your picture
casuse its all i got
maybe one day u and me will have
one more shot.

left silently at ... 8:45 PM

Friday, June 09, 2006

going on a trip

oh yeas seem like i will be having a trip so soon. even faster then i actually planed it to be. well though it is for work purpose but its still nice to be out of the country. aussie here i come. joy. haha. it is winter there but i hope it is not too cold. my superviser was like ok u are going can u help me get a swimming tights. hehe.

yeah i have to look out one for her. but i get to see the clear night sky somethin i love watching. then seein the formation of stars. miss the skys. well had gd memories of the place. as well as bad.

some times i wonder what will life be like for me years down the road. what will i be, what will i acomplish. have i just waisted my life away. well something in life are fallin into place i think. just waitin for the final piece to be place. that is if it possible to also. well dont we somtimes wish all this can just fall into place with out worrying. well i think somethings we can just hope for.

well i think i will stay with iras for a few more months befor i leave. then it is off to my new job
boy i cant wait.

left silently at ... 11:44 PM

Saturday, June 03, 2006

oh joy i got a new toy

oh yes at long last i finally went to buy my pda. and still not regreting it. it was a gd buy. i was waiting for like since october to get it and now finally got it. also bought a web cam and a mic and just got it hook up to my pc. so i can have some fun with that too

man the pc fair was like soo soo packed. its almost impossible to walk so had to squeese through everyone to get pass. but the fair had alot of pretty gd deals. even on home entertainment system well had fun at the fair. there was also a fashion fair today there. sellin AX and cK jeans tee shirst at really cheap prices. too bad spent it on my pda aready. joy one more week to the world cup and then another 12 days to holiday. man i cant wait.

left silently at ... 9:40 PM

Tuesday, May 30, 2006

death

dame what is it with ppl dying. today i got a call frm my very gd friend to tell me that his grand father just died. what is this like the season to be gettin sick and dieing. today was so tiring at work. but gd news my boss in the scanning room is sick and got 3 days mc. and to top it off she is going on a long holiday just after that so she wont be around for the month of june. aint that great. well everyone dont like her. but i guess she is ok with me. well as long as i do my work she dont bother me so that is gd. the place is not to bad a place to work. but it is not a place u will wanna stay for long. WHY? the pay sucks. big time.

i just hate the feeling i get when i listen to song sometime and it bring back old memories. an all the hopes and shattered dreams. its like u just wanna open the window and just scream it all away. i just think that when a door closed another window or door would open.

well hopefully all will play out to the way i want. but then u dont always get what u want. but no harm hoping right.

this is a quote frm one of my fav singer haha "Yeah... Its my life.. My own words i guess...
have u ever love someone so much you'd give an arm for? not the expression, no, litreally give an arm for? when they know there're your heart and you know you were their armour and you will destroy anyone who would try to harm 'em. but what happend when karma turns right around on you, despite you? what happends when u become the main source of a pain?"

left silently at ... 11:35 PM

Sunday, May 28, 2006

ahhhhhh

oh no all that i type has dissipered. sianz that mean i have to retype everythin aging sickening. i think i will do so again tomorrow. i spent to much of my time typin the first one aready no mood. lol hahahahaha

left silently at ... 12:24 AM

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

i hate the feeling of being sick

IM SICK arghhhhhhhhhhh. i hate it. i wish i was better soon. then i can run around again instead to crappin at home doing nothin but sleep. what a productive life. well went to the doc today as i cant take it anymore as i was feeling really very bad the prev day. i rither be at work working. at least i got money to take home. today i was like sleeping the whole day. woke up in the morning to tell the company that i cant come and then went to the doc. doc told me to rest and gave me medician and 2 days off work. i think i going to rot at home. man i cant take it.

i need to get out of the house. i will see if tomorrow i am feeling better i might just try that. and see how it goes. i just applied for my debit card AGAIN. it is driving me crazy. the first time i apply i had to wait for like 2 weeks befor they tell me that i had to convert my book to singnature based instead of thumbprint. then i waited for another week only to re apply again. now i need to wait another 1 to 2 week for the damed card. well at lest the card will prove to be usefull. as i love to watch movies and that will give me a 10% off anythin i get. cool huh.

somehow i have to think of ways to blog more oftern. i tend to get distracted somehow and forget about blogging. well untill someone remind me that i have not been doing so haha.
well ciaoz for now.

left silently at ... 11:02 PM

Monday, May 22, 2006

death of a friend

something bad happend recently. a friend i know just pass away today. she dies of food poisoning. and to think that i was out with her for dinner with a few others last week and we were making plans for going out on thursday. then she msg me on wednesday to tell me that she was havin bad food poisoning frm tuesday and wednesday and not gettin better. then i told her to go see a doc and then she told me that she is takin medician. so i though it was ok. then the next thing i know she pass away on thursday. which means that i may be the last person that she talk to befor she died. which is like so bad.

oh man i cant believe she died its like no one would expect it we were planing to go to mos on thursday and this had to happend. why why why. well i guess it happends some time.

i will be going to the wake tomorrow and then go to were the body will be burnt tomorrow. could not go for the past 2 days as i was really busy and i was not in singapore and by the time i came back today it was really late to go there. so i will be going only tomorrow.

left silently at ... 1:37 AM

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

pockets aint empty

man it feels so gd to no longer feel your pockets being empty. today my pay came in and now i have some money in the bank aready and i have aready paid for more or less all that i need to pay for. so now i can start to save up for rainy days. well somethin like that i guess. holidays here i come. i dream is to go to japan for a holiday i and i wanna fufill that dream. will make it an aim to go in 2008 then. finally i am back to takin my bike licence. my lesson is going to be on jume 20. i never though i would get back to takin my licence after what happend. all my motivation was gone. i was sopposed to get my licence my april and cuase somethin happend. i put it on a major hold. and now i am going back again finally. well life i just wish would go back to normal. with out any heart ache and pain. just livin it happly with .....

hmmm when am i going to do up my room. my room is like an ancient place that is falling a part and there is nothin i can do about it haha. even my pc is a scrap pc that is not worth mentioning. but at least it is running and that is the important thing. i dont think it will give up on me so fast or at least so i hope. meetin friends of the old are always a great feeling. its brings back fond memories. of all the nonsence that we would do in sch. like sabotage the teacher and stuff. haha those were the days. i just wish my wish would come true in the future. and all the hopes i have not be shattered.

left silently at ... 10:48 PM

Sunday, May 07, 2006

oh man its been a long time

wow i think work has been makin me forget about typein here. and someone just ask me to up date it. haha sorrie grl. here i am writeing it lol. well like been ok well exept for the past few day. man i cant even think stright. i wanted to kill that guy. really makes my blood boil. till steam can come out. cant even work or sleep or do anythin properly. well i am not going to do anthin cause of a promise i made and i plan to keep it. gd thing the matter is solved some what . well kinda of well now it is all up to one person to solve it. and until it is done this will not end. so that is my crap life for now. dame i hate it so much. wish it all makes sence like it used to. well that is only a wish that i hope will come true. man i cant imigine how boring life is till now. its like in the morning work then in the evening on the pc then back to work againg the next day. me and my sick life. i wish it will all end. all this hurt and pain and missery.

left silently at ... 9:56 PM

Thursday, April 27, 2006

working in the fast lane

haha its been a long long time since i last wrote into this blog. wondering if i forgot about it lol. just came back frm my time at school. was invited there as the alumni to the sch and just become a member. work at the iras is great will work cant be call as slack as in there is alot of stuff to do but u are in an aircon room blowin at about 15 deg or less. its cold but gd i love it. doing all the scanning which is not to bad. pretty fun. then as how one of e staff puts it there is show to watch. well u see the room in which i was there was a glass window and then there are 2 grl outside then one time thay were tryin to get my attention and one of the staff saw them wavin to me then she was like hey thay are callin u. then now got show to watch everyday aready were 2 grls chase after 1 guy. and i was like just shakin my head. not knowin what to say. well i finally met up with them after to time that they ask me to meet up after work and did not see them so i left. and we traded hp numbers. hmm i wonder what is going on with waffles my dear little sis. no word frm her. well hope to hear frm her soon.

left silently at ... 10:37 PM

Sunday, April 09, 2006

bbq was a blast

just came back tired and out but still manage to use the pc. wondering how i do it. it was amazing though i was the one of them that plan for the stuff but i almost did not eat anythin. well i had okonomiyaki and that was about it. oh well but i was playin alot of bball. but it was fun. play will the guys there that were in the court. then play against them. the highlight of the night...... she came. and then i was like talkin to her on the phone for then about 1hr after then. man i cant remember when was the last time i did that. man i miss those time really miss them. well too bad i did not go to get the holla back tix. wen i told her about it she was like going to kill me. hahah but i told her the too bad she did not call me when i findin for her. oh well. waffles thanks for being there for me. u are a great friend. really appriciate it.

left silently at ... 11:28 PM

walkin zombie

i was like going to die. man i was so tired and i have no idea why. was playin bball in the morning yesterday and after like 3 hrs of playin i was aready tired. man i cant believe not playin for just 4 weeks can do that to u. well i think it is also cause i have not been sleepin much also. as well as my work starting. yesterday i came home after bball at about 3+. i sat infront of the pc at 4. all i managed to do was to on the pc i entered into my acount in windows. next thing i know was that i was fast a sleep. did not even start to use the pc. i slept till 630. my body was like totaly shut down and i cannot do anythin about it. today i just season the mutton and chicken for the bbq later. going to be a happening night or at least i hope so. lol well type off for now. going to turn off the pc and slack for awile befor i get to the pit to get it ready.

left silently at ... 2:41 PM

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

first day

today well my day started early haha well like 12 in the morning. went to the air port to pick up some friens and then there was some mess up and no one was there to pick them. so me and my friend went there to do it. by the time i got home it was like 145 which means i only left with like 3.5 hrs to sleep befor i start work for the first day. well i was a semi zombi at work today but all in all it was pretty gd. it is an intresting place to work and lots of intresting ppl to meet also. well it is a desk bound job so not alot of sittin on the chair. its ok in a way but can be a little sian after a while. hope i dont get to sick of it to soon. hehe he must work to earn $$

left silently at ... 11:31 PM

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

promise

have u ever made a promise to your self sayin that u hope to complish somethin then hope it all comes out well in the end. well yeah i have, i guess most of us would have. sometimes.... just sometimes there is nothin we can do about it but just sit an wait hoppin that it will all turn out well in the end. waitin can really be a pain especially when u want it so badly.

well the past to days i spent bumming at home watching alot of tv. i went to get the initial d series and was like watching it not stop. oh man takumi is great lol. drives an 86 and still can win so many ppl.

tomorrow is the day i start work. hahaha no more slacking aroung for me. i need to do somethin with my live aready. pay may not be that great but it is a start and who knows what the future will bring. well in my mind there is only one thing in my mind it is to save up as much as i can for now. so then when what i am hopin for come to me. will have what i need. and there willl be not much of worries.

"when i was born i had to wait 7 years and now i will wait another 7"

left silently at ... 4:57 PM

Saturday, April 01, 2006

one long long day

wow it has been a long time since i stayed out so long. yesterday morning i was like out at 7+ in the morning and came back only at 1230. went to meet my friend at orchard then walked around. hey guess what levis is havein a 70% discount. yeah 70 i was shocked at the price. but it is only at the taka outlet. so dont go lookin of it at other place. well i was so tired i cant even bring my self to write this yesterday. so writin it today. well went to watch ice age 2 yesterday it was not to bad. very funny. well i was watchin the show with a family and it was really funny. thay were sittin in the couple seat and i was just sittin infront of them. his son was like in k1 and what happen was a family came and sit beside me cause it was their seats. then the wife sit beside me then was the kid and the husband. guess what happen. lucus went and tap on the ladys sholder and said "i cannot see" cause he was sittin behind him and blockin his view. lol. the lady was nice she then said "oh sorrie boy boy. if i sit like this can? then she shifted her body to one side so that the view is clear for him to see. and i was there laughin like hell. well it was a happenin day. well all gd things must come to an end. i guess. T_T

well she call today and i was like soo soo happy. jumpin up and down. yesterday i was at cwp and was hopin i could see her. but not to be found. only to find out that she was not there. no lesson yesterday. oh well...

left silently at ... 11:20 PM

Thursday, March 30, 2006

i love food

wow today i went to jb again to look around the place that i will be staying next mont. went with 2 of my friends. well u know somethin. the way u can eat there. i will be suprised if i dont get fat. it like u eat your breakfast which is like fried noodles then 1 hr later u eat bah kut teh with rice and then u take the trip up only to eat again noodles with eggplant and sweet and sour pork. then there was the fruits. man that are so cheep i cant help my self. i bought like 5 pineapple 2 kg of mangos and a bunch of banana and i only paied like singapore $5-6 cheap huh. going to have a fruit feast. well i got wonken up in the morning like 810 and i was ask to be down in like 15 min. haha it was madness. but i made it. had a shower change and left and i only got home at 830. well long day but it was great. well that is it for now.

left silently at ... 9:47 PM

Wednesday, March 29, 2006

yeah job here i come

yes. i am finally going to start work again. no more slacking though it was fun but then i with slacking i got no $$ commin in and too much time to think about somthin which will.....well i can go crazy i if i think too much about. not going to say what. :P well income tax here i come. yeah i am goin to work at the income tax buildin and it seems like fun. well even though it is a desk job. look at the gd side i get to blow aircon for the whole day hahaha. well i start on wed next week so i only left with one week to enjoy my life. well this should be the week that i am going to get somethin really speciall. well maybe next depending.

left silently at ... 11:06 PM

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

kayacking was wicked

haha now i am resting frm kayacking frm yesterday. wow it has been really a long time since i paddled. about 4 years. need to get used to it again. well i signed up for membership for a year and it was soo cool. i got a student membership so i saved alot frm it and it is only like 12 to kayack the whole day. but so sad i cannot use the dancer which i love. well my friend who was a 2 star let me to swap with her halfway through. well we kayacked about 5 km i think which is not to bad. but we did not did what we wanted to. we planed to kayack to pasir ris then back which is about 8km but thay said cannot cause there was only 2 of us. and need a 3rd befor we can go on that route. well we had fun and it start to rain heavly so we beach up and then played in the water for the next hr befor returning the kayack. wow was so dead tired wen i came home i for got about dinner as well. and today i had lunch at like 3pm. well that is it for now. oh yeah someone call me last night and i was like soo sooo happy. it really make a wonderfull ending to a wonderful day.

left silently at ... 7:17 PM

Sunday, March 26, 2006

my crazy week

well come back. been so lazy to write. well must build up a regular routin i guess. well getting there. well it has been a fun week i guess though cannot sleep most of the time. sleepin at about like 4 in the morning most days. well i think i will sleep a little early today. ....... i hope. lol so well friday was fun was at jurong playin go cart racing. and i tell u the day my mom ever see me run the track i think i will forever be baned frm taking my car licence and also frm being able to continue with my bike licence. well as for bike licence i think i need to go and start taking again been slackin alot did not go for about 4 months. wow that is long i wonder if i know how to start the bike. well not that bad but still pretty bad. well i was ask to go kayacking tomorrow so i should also be havin a busy day tomorrow. well it is better then slacking in front of the pc. well i think i talk too much crap for one day aready. ciaoz till the next time i write in u again. ....................soon i hope lol

left silently at ... 8:32 PM

Thursday, March 16, 2006

well well well, my first entry. i was always tryin to never create a blog, always lazy to do so i guess. but what to do i got a very gd friend that is so determined that i should start one and so some how i gave in to her. so yeah here i am writein what i will call my online diary. the one at home has died. long ago. well it did not last too long and not planing to look at it for a long long time. my friend came to my place to day . said he had a score to settle with me. an i was like bring it on. lol. and i trashed him crazy hahaha. so sad for him. maybe i should have cut him some slack. oh well.

left silently at ... 10:53 PM